Things Women in STEM Should Stop Doing

As I’ve done more research on sexism in the workplace, I learned that language and behavior have some of the largest influence how others perceive your abilities, confidence, and authority. In STEM, these personalities qualities are what people look to in jobs and leadership positions.

Unfortunately, most of the things in these slides are socialized behaviors that women learn throughout childhood and young adulthood.

Such as:
😳 Being apologetic
😳 Holding back sharing accomplishments
😳 Being taught to be “likable and accommodating”

It’s unfair that our socialized behaviors work against us in the workplace. It’s no wonder society is so sexist.

I’ve personally started shifting my behavior, by saying sorry less. By learning to say no. I’ve completely changed how I write emails and ask questions. I know I’m confident and capable, it’s time people stop questioning it. While I feel that it’s wrong that women have to put in the work to stop sexism in the workplace, right now, I personally believe there are not enough male feminists to do the work and make the change. Sexism and bias against women are too engrained in our society for it to stop with no action. If women want to be viewed as competent and confident, then men need to get used to a woman being both, without automatically thinking a woman is bragging, loud, or unlikable. And I feel the only way to do that is to put in the work.

That being said, here are some things women in STEM need to stop doing so we can be taken more seriously, and so we can dismantle bias.

Stop saying you’re sorry

Compulsively saying “I’m sorry” and over-apologizing for things undermines your authority and implies fault. Only apologize in situations when warranted, like when making a true mistake or expressing sympathy. Saying I’m sorry this email was delayed, or sorry I am unable to attend. Switch out the I’m sorry for, “Thank you for understanding” or just drop the I’m sorry all together for, “I am unable to attend.”

Stop not giving yourself credit

Women are often socialized to not brag and to not make others feel poorly about themselves. Don’t downplay your contribution to a project or task in efforts “to be fair.” Give yourself the credit where it’s due. Downplaying your achievements in the workplace is giving credit to others when you should be giving credit to yourself. If you downplay your contribution, your superiors will notice. And this will make you appear unconfident and less competent.

Stop trying to please everyone. And stop saying yes to everything.

Women, especially in the United States, are socialized to be “likable.” When a woman is not being “likable,” they are perceived as “bossy” or harsh or difficult to work with. Trying to please everyone not only hurts your mental health, but it’s a lot of work with little reward. Being a people pleaser can send you down a road of doing everything for someone else, but nothing for yourself. Be strong. Know that some people might not like you just because. And trying to please everyone can set you up for the aftershock that will come when you finally decide to not please everyone. The second a people pleaser stops being a people pleaser, others won’t understand why all of a sudden you’re being “uncooperative.” And saying yes to everything will put too much on your plate and cause you stress. You don’t have to do everything to be noticed or gain success. Learn to set boundaries early, so when you do decide to decline. It’s not shocking or perceived as a problem. Learn to delegate tasks, you don’t have to do everything on your own.

Stop being “the jack of all trades”

This one goes hand in hand with our previous point about saying yes to everything. Early in your career, it can be easy to not only want to say yes to everything, but also being the person everyone can count on. You want people to notice that you can learn things, be adaptable, and take on new challenges right? Well, in even in a training setting like a graduate program, if you become the jack of all trades, where everyone can come to you and rely on you, it can actually hold you back. Why? Because if you’re relied on too much, it is less likely you’ll be promoted, or encouraged to graduate on time! People will need you in the position where you can do everything that you know how to do, so there is no advancement! If you have all the skills and no one else does, why would your superiors want to promote you or let you graduate? Sounds a little messed up right? Unfortunately it happens.

Stop using damaging language

Using phrases like…”I was wondering” “Just checking” “Do you mind if” …imply asking for permission. These are socialized behaviors. Girls are taught at a young age to be polite. While these phrases are polite, they are not the words you see in emails and conversations by men right? This was something I learned from a talk I heard by Elizabeth Lions. She dove deep into how people speak affect how they are perceived by others. Instead, use direct and confident language both oral and written and use action verbs and definitive language

What other behaviors do you think subconsciously damage women in the STEM workplace?